The Big News

Friends, neighbors, countrymen . . . Lend me your ears, I would like to share with you astounding news on this auspicious occasion.

I am a newly ordained minister of the Universal Life Church. So if you are tired of living in sin and ready to commit to each other, I would be happy to perform the ceremony.

Besides weddings, I am also available for baptisms, funerals, confession, affirmation of love ceremonies, exorcisms, baby naming ceremonies, and the like.

Spread the word, Reverend John is in the house!

And That's What I Think.